normal?

What is normal? Is it normal that I grew up in a loving Christian home? Is it normal that my parents are still married? Is it normal that I have no idea which direction to take my life?

I don't know.

Some of these are things that many people grow up assuming that are normal, but I'm not so sure what is really means t be normal. Is "normal" something that I even want to be?

No. It's not.

I feel truly blessed and fortunate to come from the forementioned background, and wouldn't change anything at all. I don't consider my upbringing to be normal at all. We sat down to eat dinner each night as a family, sitting in the same exact seats as if we were going to be punished if we didn't. That was not the case; no one ever got in trouble for sitting somewhere else, although it may have seemed a bit weird during dinner that night.

I guess what I'm getting at is that all of the things that I thought were normal my entire life were just normal to me... and I'm o.k. with that. I haven't been through a lot of the conflict and hardship that so many of my peers have experienced, and in life experience I may be at a disadvantage... I can't imagine things being any different.

Here I am now, sitting on a workout ball at my little brother's old desk that made its way to St. Augustine for me to use... I am happy with life the way that it is. I don't know what I need to or should be doing right now. Maybe it's just a little more trying to figure things out. Maybe I need to get off of my butt and make something out of myself. Whatever the case... I'm happy now. It's just too easy (especially now) to blame all of your problems on someone else, but really. How bad are things. Sure times are a little tougher than people are comfortable with, but is there really that much to complain about. I feel that I may come across as a hypocrite in saying this, but here goes nothing... I started to whine and complain a few weeks ago about being sick and tired of where I am and what I'm doing, but REALLY, what do I have to complain about? I live in a house, have a refrigerator full of food, a job (not the one that I have always had in mind, but a job nonetheless.) Lately I have been thinking a little more about my spending habits and the standard of living that I have dreamed up for myself and it's just that. SOMETHING THAT I DREAMED UP FOR MYSELF. Why do I deserve to live in such a way that people in 3rd world countries can't even imagine.

I almost fear for what is going to be happening around us. Like what's going on with all of this stimulus stuff (not the politics of it). Everyday you hear on T.V. about how someone else is getting this multi-billion dollar aid package and the first thing that the CITIZENS want to ask is how is this going to help ME. Not, "How is this going to help the education system, healthcare, or even my neighbors." Are we really this selfish? I mean that it's not bad to question those in power and hold them accountable for their actions, but since when have people become so self-centered? I am just as guilty of this as the generalizations that I have just made, and for that I'm sorry.

I don't really know where I'm getting with all of this, but I guess that's about it.