I just erased the 500 words that somehow came from my hands like a deluge of angst towards all of the people that are so easy to blame for much of what is wrong with the world today, but it was all crap.

Who am I to get on this webernet and ramble on about how horribly awful so many people are? I have no place to accuse others. I am just as much at fault. I have allowed myself to become as greedy as the next person, only I never figured out a way to make a buck. I am ashamed of myself. Not ashamed of my character, but ashamed at the things I have grown to idolize.

I recently tore my ACL and had knee surgery. All that I could think about was how miserable this is going to be.

How Selfish.

Sure, life has changed a little, but c'mon all I have to do is be patient. How long is three months really? 1/4 a year... that's it. The fact that all I was able to think about is the first day I'll be able to get back in the water is embarassing. I have been forced to have a ton of idle time for the last couple of months and now that I'm back to working 6 or so days a week I'm looking back and realize that nothing productive has come out of this free time.

I could have been helping out at the after-school program in Lincolnville, volunteering at the St. Francis House, or a ton of other things, but, for some reason, I chose to sit around and feel sorry for myself. This can't happen again. I walk around talking about how badly I want to go overseas and work for an NGO helping people. I pray that this comes true, but fear that I will be fearful of the situations that will really require me to "help."

I have no idea why all of this is ending up on here (via the google machine), but oh well. It's late now... good night.